Ask Audrey - Online Dating Advice

Have a question for Audrey? Leave it in the comments, tweet her at ask_audrey OR, to keep it private until she blabs it on her vlog, contact her via the contact form.

Ask Audrey Ep 1 - Mom, White Rock

Ask Audrey Ep 2 - Marrrta, Seattle

Ask Audrey Ep 3 - Winters, UK

Ask Audrey Ep 4 - BettyQ, Halifax

 

Ask Audrey Ep 5 - PJ Jazz, Philly

 

Ask Audrey Ep 6 - EZ Lez, Edmonton

 

Ask Audrey Ep 7 - PicturePerfekt

 

Ask Audrey Ep 8 - Still Smitten

 

Comments

[The Maker of Terrible Decisions]

Oh Dear God, do you know how difficult it is to find lesbian dating advice!? It's terrible.

Ok, so, my dilemma (it's a doozy!):

A few years ago, I realized that I like my boss. Yes, she's a lesbian too. That relationship has never really worked out though due to politics, etc. She's quite a bit older than me, which adds another fun element. I would consider us friends though. We do talk and occasionally do things outside of work.

This boss, however, is in love with another lesbian boss at work, who is in an awful relationship that she's can't get out of because she has a child that's not biologically hers. So, it's me chasing my boss, and my boss entertaining me (probably as a fling--OK with me), but my boss chasing another boss (that's unavailable but returns the feelings).

Another element to add: Last year, a new woman was hired where we work, and she also turned out to be a lesbian. We started dating, and things are fine. She's also much older than me, but this isn't really a solid relationship that I have any hope for.

We've had to keep our relationship quiet because we work together, and no one knows I'm gay. There's a lot of gay-bashing at work, and many of my "friends" are involved in it. So, if I were outted, I would be socially isolated and probably forced to quit due to the level of betrayal all these "friends" would feel. Also, the boss with the child doesn't really like the woman I'm dating, and I could possibly see some work-related anti-dating policy coming up.

Last terrible element: I found out shortly after starting to date this woman that she's the long-term ex of the boss that I like and consider a friend. I didn't tell her though once I found out, and I feel really guilty. I never would have dated this other woman had a known who she was to my boss since I don't consider the relationship a lasting one. The relationship has continued though, but I know my boss is going to find out sooner or later (from me or the ex). I just don't know what to do. I don't want my boss to know that I ever dated her ex because 1. I don't want to seem like a terrible friend (because I wouldn't have done it had I known, but I didn't stop it once I did) and 2. This woman is so much older than me and I'm embarrassed for anyone to know about the relationship. I would move out of the state if anyone found out!

Please help! I don't want to lose my boss as a friend (and I'd love to nail her down ;) but she'll probably never entertain that idea again once she finds out I slept with her ex).

Desperate for a solution,
The Maker of Terrible Decisions

[corentine]

oh wow, you must have been really nasty in a previous life! haha

Perhaps you could end the relationship with the ex first. So you can focus on your boss. You shouldn't feel guilty about that, you didn't know she's the ex of your boss. Is she aware that you know she's "the ex" ?
If not, you can pretend you've never noticed it.
If your boss is a good friend, she'll probably understand you didn't sleep with her ex on purpose; it's not that big a deal.

Co'

[co']

oops didn't see the previous comment was more than one month old...
anyways, I hope that story went on positively!

Co'