Oh Dear God, do you know how difficult it is to find lesbian dating advice!? It's terrible.

Ok, so, my dilemma (it's a doozy!):

A few years ago, I realized that I like my boss. Yes, she's a lesbian too. That relationship has never really worked out though due to politics, etc. She's quite a bit older than me, which adds another fun element. I would consider us friends though. We do talk and occasionally do things outside of work.

This boss, however, is in love with another lesbian boss at work, who is in an awful relationship that she's can't get out of because she has a child that's not biologically hers. So, it's me chasing my boss, and my boss entertaining me (probably as a fling--OK with me), but my boss chasing another boss (that's unavailable but returns the feelings).

Another element to add: Last year, a new woman was hired where we work, and she also turned out to be a lesbian. We started dating, and things are fine. She's also much older than me, but this isn't really a solid relationship that I have any hope for.

We've had to keep our relationship quiet because we work together, and no one knows I'm gay. There's a lot of gay-bashing at work, and many of my "friends" are involved in it. So, if I were outted, I would be socially isolated and probably forced to quit due to the level of betrayal all these "friends" would feel. Also, the boss with the child doesn't really like the woman I'm dating, and I could possibly see some work-related anti-dating policy coming up.

Last terrible element: I found out shortly after starting to date this woman that she's the long-term ex of the boss that I like and consider a friend. I didn't tell her though once I found out, and I feel really guilty. I never would have dated this other woman had a known who she was to my boss since I don't consider the relationship a lasting one. The relationship has continued though, but I know my boss is going to find out sooner or later (from me or the ex). I just don't know what to do. I don't want my boss to know that I ever dated her ex because 1. I don't want to seem like a terrible friend (because I wouldn't have done it had I known, but I didn't stop it once I did) and 2. This woman is so much older than me and I'm embarrassed for anyone to know about the relationship. I would move out of the state if anyone found out!

Please help! I don't want to lose my boss as a friend (and I'd love to nail her down ;) but she'll probably never entertain that idea again once she finds out I slept with her ex).

Desperate for a solution,
The Maker of Terrible Decisions

oh wow, you must have been really nasty in a previous life! haha

Perhaps you could end the relationship with the ex first. So you can focus on your boss. You shouldn't feel guilty about that, you didn't know she's the ex of your boss. Is she aware that you know she's "the ex" ?
If not, you can pretend you've never noticed it.
If your boss is a good friend, she'll probably understand you didn't sleep with her ex on purpose; it's not that big a deal.


oops didn't see the previous comment was more than one month old...
anyways, I hope that story went on positively!


Seeking advice. Im 23, shes 21...
I have a girlfriend that I absolutely love. She is my everything. I have been in love with one other girl before her but this time I know that no other woman would give me the same satisfaction. Ok so here is the problem. I sometimes feel that I am forced to be more submissive, as if the stereotypical "female" in the relationship. I am older than her by a few years but during arguments, you would think I'm the younger, and more weak one. We are so much in love and i KNOW that she feels the same way but all we do is argue. ABOUT EVERYTHING. There has been issues in the past that make me skeptical and jealous now but I have forgiven, just not forgotten.
When we argue, she curses, yells, and gets really really scary so I often find myself "submitting" to avoid the trouble. I even got so heartbroken (with added personal stress) that I moved away for a bit in hopes of giving us space and working things out. I recently graduated college and she is still in school. Our schedules are different because of this. She is still very much involved and Im more ready to be fully committed and settled. We are still very much in love but the fighting is unbearable. We have been long distance for about a month now and argue daily. I guess my issue is, how can two people be so much in love that they cant even have decent, non argumentative, conversation. I know this is kind of all over the place but my heart physically hurts when we argue. I really need advice and relief. I love her so much, but neither of us deserve the stress. Please help.

You should first ask yourself if you will be able to leve like that.I understand that people argue and end up getting to the to her about how you feel,talking to het is the only solution.Maybe she will change.

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